wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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