ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
