his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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