Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
