You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
