I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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