Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
