so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hippo gnu deer
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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