I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
