everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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