im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
