Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
