So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
