I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
