Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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