I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
