She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
