I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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