and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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