Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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