Define "chronic" masturbator.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
