FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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