I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
