Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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