ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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