The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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