Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The adults are the big ones right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
