I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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