When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
