he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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