Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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