I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
