need another drink. this is the easiest way
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
