youre lurking in front of me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
