If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pants are for mortals
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
