when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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