I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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