You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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