YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
