morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
