so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
