i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
