if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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