I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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