There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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