I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
