Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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