I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
