DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
