Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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