i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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