did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
