U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
