When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
