After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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