I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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