Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
