u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
